As of late
Today I had the privilege of witnessing and experiencing firsthand the behavior and meltdown that K has been having these past two weeks at school.
K has not had many issues while at Church, which is also my place of employment. But this morning, he most certainly did. And it was quite something. Especially because I had another young boy with me, who is only a year older than my own K. And I had K's younger baby brother with me and he pooped way past his diaper. So yea, it was quite the scene if I must say so myself.
I desperately, in my mind, tried to play back everything leading up to the moment deciphering what may have been a trigger.
Asked if he could help me carry Bibles in for a presentation - check.
Wanted to remain at podium once I finished and use the microphone - I hastily and politely said not at this moment, he hesitated, got down and followed me out.
Could not use Theater Room for Bible Study, skipped usual and expected routine and went straight to the Art Room; we watched the last bit of our story on my laptop rather than the TV in other room; asked for tickles (which is not usual since he asks for some at meditation during our normal and usual routine - check.
Moving onto to activity, he requests a Red flower, which I do not have - begins to physically withdraw
K gets up and sits on top of another table. He then uses his feet to push a chair which knocks it over.
Using minimal verbal language, I explain I only have four colors, he may choose a red marker to complete the project.
K stands and moves to the next table and begins pushing a stack of books over.
My mind races as to what approach best suits the situation, honestly, I am unsure. It has been quite some time that I have had to face K during one of these episodes, but it was also reassuring to see it, be present for it, that way I could return to his school team and offer some input for our upcoming meeting.
Approach options:
These are bad choices. Can K try and make a good choice next?
No help downstairs.
No birthday party for K this week.
Knock it off.
I actually begin with the 3 levels of thumbs up, halfway and down. He quickly shows me a thumbs down sign.
What can I do to get to thumb's up.
No.
I try and talk briefly with him. I started with questions, but this is usually never effective: Are you hungry? Do you want to get a drink? How about a walk. etc.
He begins to bang his hands against the metal cabinets. I block him from doing so, which in turn really upsets him and he starts to hit me. I use my own hands to place them where he can slap them rather than his hands actually making contact with my arm or body.
To further explain, while doing this, he never once tries to go out of his way and hit me, his hands are uncontrollably seeking contact with something that will give it the same exact sensation and pressure he was receiving while hitting the metal cabinets.
In the midst of this confusion, he does yell no and actually screams twice. That high pitch, brief shrill for a scream means he has lost all means of communication and desperately needs help fast.
I walked away. I left the room, I changed his baby brother and I returned with the other child who started it all with us. He wanted to come with, he wanted to see if K calmed down and needed a snack.
K was sitting on the table again, waiting. He said he wanted my phone. I immediately assumed it is to watch the children's you tube.
I decided to take our conversation back further by asking him what he was watching on the TV downstairs before leaving for Church. He said something in regards to dragons. I asked him if his brain needs to finish that. He said yes. And quickly says, "Good choice is picking up chairs."
I just smiled at him and said yes while he went about the room and put the chairs back.
He walked back calmly with us, got a drink and a small snack and went to my office, as if this never happened.
Did he get my phone? Not until hours later. But did I manage to find the root of this episode? I feel like I did. I feel like I actually did.
I tried talking about what had happened an hour or so once we were home; I was getting nowhere and I honestly wasn't in the right frame of mind to try. So I just stopped.
I tried again, about 2 hours later, once he finished his school work for Monday. This time I talked about our day at Church so he could visualize it all with me. I even asked him questions to try and make sure he was on track with me. Once he realized what I was doing, it became a bit easier for him to understand, follow and answer me. Doing this helps both of us; he gets his feelings out, I can help label them and we discuss what he should do the next time he feels those emotions coming on again.
He should use his words - I am mad, I am frustrated (he chose frustrated!)
He should clap his hands together - good choice vs bad choice - hitting/slapping object or person
He can ask adult to slap hands with - I will let him slap my own hands as a way to get feedback and allow him to receive some firmer input
He can push against a wall or door - good choice vs bad choice - pushing chairs, tables or person
He can breathe.
On another note, K wishes to take his book in and read it to his teacher. He's been reading this book every night this month. For him, repetition is key and he knows it will make his teacher happy. I said we could ask if K can bring it to read to the whole class on Thursday, which is his birthday. A gift to share with them. I believe he can do it!
K has not had many issues while at Church, which is also my place of employment. But this morning, he most certainly did. And it was quite something. Especially because I had another young boy with me, who is only a year older than my own K. And I had K's younger baby brother with me and he pooped way past his diaper. So yea, it was quite the scene if I must say so myself.
I desperately, in my mind, tried to play back everything leading up to the moment deciphering what may have been a trigger.
Asked if he could help me carry Bibles in for a presentation - check.
Wanted to remain at podium once I finished and use the microphone - I hastily and politely said not at this moment, he hesitated, got down and followed me out.
Could not use Theater Room for Bible Study, skipped usual and expected routine and went straight to the Art Room; we watched the last bit of our story on my laptop rather than the TV in other room; asked for tickles (which is not usual since he asks for some at meditation during our normal and usual routine - check.
Moving onto to activity, he requests a Red flower, which I do not have - begins to physically withdraw
K gets up and sits on top of another table. He then uses his feet to push a chair which knocks it over.
Using minimal verbal language, I explain I only have four colors, he may choose a red marker to complete the project.
K stands and moves to the next table and begins pushing a stack of books over.
My mind races as to what approach best suits the situation, honestly, I am unsure. It has been quite some time that I have had to face K during one of these episodes, but it was also reassuring to see it, be present for it, that way I could return to his school team and offer some input for our upcoming meeting.
Approach options:
These are bad choices. Can K try and make a good choice next?
No help downstairs.
No birthday party for K this week.
Knock it off.
I actually begin with the 3 levels of thumbs up, halfway and down. He quickly shows me a thumbs down sign.
What can I do to get to thumb's up.
No.
I try and talk briefly with him. I started with questions, but this is usually never effective: Are you hungry? Do you want to get a drink? How about a walk. etc.
He begins to bang his hands against the metal cabinets. I block him from doing so, which in turn really upsets him and he starts to hit me. I use my own hands to place them where he can slap them rather than his hands actually making contact with my arm or body.
To further explain, while doing this, he never once tries to go out of his way and hit me, his hands are uncontrollably seeking contact with something that will give it the same exact sensation and pressure he was receiving while hitting the metal cabinets.
In the midst of this confusion, he does yell no and actually screams twice. That high pitch, brief shrill for a scream means he has lost all means of communication and desperately needs help fast.
I walked away. I left the room, I changed his baby brother and I returned with the other child who started it all with us. He wanted to come with, he wanted to see if K calmed down and needed a snack.
K was sitting on the table again, waiting. He said he wanted my phone. I immediately assumed it is to watch the children's you tube.
I decided to take our conversation back further by asking him what he was watching on the TV downstairs before leaving for Church. He said something in regards to dragons. I asked him if his brain needs to finish that. He said yes. And quickly says, "Good choice is picking up chairs."
I just smiled at him and said yes while he went about the room and put the chairs back.
He walked back calmly with us, got a drink and a small snack and went to my office, as if this never happened.
Did he get my phone? Not until hours later. But did I manage to find the root of this episode? I feel like I did. I feel like I actually did.
I tried talking about what had happened an hour or so once we were home; I was getting nowhere and I honestly wasn't in the right frame of mind to try. So I just stopped.
I tried again, about 2 hours later, once he finished his school work for Monday. This time I talked about our day at Church so he could visualize it all with me. I even asked him questions to try and make sure he was on track with me. Once he realized what I was doing, it became a bit easier for him to understand, follow and answer me. Doing this helps both of us; he gets his feelings out, I can help label them and we discuss what he should do the next time he feels those emotions coming on again.
He should use his words - I am mad, I am frustrated (he chose frustrated!)
He should clap his hands together - good choice vs bad choice - hitting/slapping object or person
He can ask adult to slap hands with - I will let him slap my own hands as a way to get feedback and allow him to receive some firmer input
He can push against a wall or door - good choice vs bad choice - pushing chairs, tables or person
He can breathe.
On another note, K wishes to take his book in and read it to his teacher. He's been reading this book every night this month. For him, repetition is key and he knows it will make his teacher happy. I said we could ask if K can bring it to read to the whole class on Thursday, which is his birthday. A gift to share with them. I believe he can do it!
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